So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
