I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
