I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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