The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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