i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
