you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
