I'm jealous of your bromance
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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