I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i love accidental penises.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
