We're facebook friends in real life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize