I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
