Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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