Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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