i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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