And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize