I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
