Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
