so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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