Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
