Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
