Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
