Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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