my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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