im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
