As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
