I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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