I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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