I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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