OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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