Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
