if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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