Where did you get a picture of my penis
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
