dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
