just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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