he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
