she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
