With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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