We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My balls are so social today.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The Olympian is in my bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
