I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
