I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You ruined the universe
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize