if you like me you must not know who I am
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
