farters have to be the big spoon...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
