if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
