and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
