Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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