Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
