I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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