We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Randomize
