i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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