Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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