My cat gives me a boner
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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