yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize