You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
