I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
