Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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