I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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