if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
