Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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