Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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