Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize