She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
