I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
