So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
