I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
