Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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