Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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