Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
