I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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